i'd rather be rich than stupid

Here are my top 11 favorite "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey," as seen on SNL. (Why 11? Well, it's kind of like 10, but better.)

11. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

10. Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

9. I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

8. Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

7. How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.

6. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

5. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

4. The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

3. As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

2. It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

1. Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Here are a couple of other "Deep Thoughts" lists.
And the official site.